Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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