I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
