i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
