Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
