I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
