If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize