Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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