I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
