i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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