Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
