covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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