I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
how does that bad decision feel?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
