So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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