why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize