i permit you to call me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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