remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
from now on my penis is your penis
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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