That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
