Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alive.
So much puke
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
