his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
