your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
