i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
