So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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