Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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