Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we should paint friendship bongs
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