I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
me + whiskey = a bad person
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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