I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
