I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
