can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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