I wish life had little blips of pornography
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
