every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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