Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
