Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
