Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
