so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
