So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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