Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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