Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
