We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
