Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
