I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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