i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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