Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
