You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
