And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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