Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
