considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
