If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
