Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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