It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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