if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
