How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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