you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
