I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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