im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There are leaves in my underwear?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
