She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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