Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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