You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
