did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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