i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
