I am puke
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This house was built for laser tag.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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