Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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