I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
