We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
