Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
