Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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