I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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