Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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