Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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