We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
