im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize