I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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