Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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