somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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