one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
