I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
