drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
