I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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