He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
