The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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