There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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