Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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