ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
