I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
