sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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