either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
