You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
