I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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