apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
