so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize