and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
