Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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