Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
