the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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