I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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