Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
