It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
