and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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