You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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