My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
