I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
