i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
